My TWIN BED

PRESSING QUESTIONS

And yes, of course, most of my questions and confusions are with men..why wouldn’t they be?

What is it about men and travel? Every time a male takes me to the airport, I get, “call me when you get there/let me know when you get there safe” which is just funny cause they wouldn’t be asking if they didn’t drive me to the airport..and my girl friends who are actually closer than these boys have never said that…maybe, “call me if you want to chat,”…but no sort of long-distance sudden protective measure..

In starbucks, coffee bean or some other caffeine filling station of choice, why do people ask complete strangers to watch their stuff as they disappear for a moment? Is this a logical breakdown somewhere, so, you ask one complete stranger to "watch your stuff" in order to protect your stuff from another complete stranger? and what about stranger A leads anyone/us to believe that they care about your stuff? and do we really expect them to throw themselves in harm's way for your stuff?

Why do men like to ask me what I am looking for in a man? Really, we all have a few things that are necessary or attractive to us, but you never know who you will fall in love with, so most of what one is ‘looking for’ is unfounded conjecture. That being said, if you like the girl, ask her out, what do you have to lose? Because try as you might, you can’t accurately figure out on your own whether she would like you based on her answer anyway.

No matter how often or seriously I take my yoga practice or how 'professional' I am with my community of yogis..exactly why does any male think it a good idea to wear layers of clothes as we warm up and then, decide to flow through the bulk of his practice in snug speedo-cut briefs? I mean, you are supposed to sweat...they turn on the heater, on purpose, everyone else is in fashionable stretchy mid-calf length pants or shorts or whatever...not to mention the impracticality..(poses of skin on skin don't hold satisfactorily)...anyway, this choice might need to be re-visited

Is it possible vegetarians do not use the two canine teeth very much, since, they are designed to tear meat afterall? So if the other teeth wear down over time, do the canine teeth look unusually disproportionate? If so perhaps, a chew toy to gnaw on throughout the day would help. (although, highly unlady-like.) Adult chew toys are available: http://www.sensorycomfort.com/HomeSchoolWk.htm#Chewy%20Tubes....clearly,

Can men and women be just friends? After fighting that indeed, friendship is totally possible and beautiful b/w the sexes, I have found that over the years, more and more of my dear friendships that bridge the gender gap have grown messy, confusing, sensual, unsafe or just annoying. Yet I still hold on to the thought that friendship can exist pure and platonic b/w a hetero-sexual man and woman. And yes, I have been described as stubborn.

Do you correct the average acquantiance when he/she mentions your hypothetical ‘boyfriend/girlfriend’ if indeed you aren’t actually seeing anyone? I mean, is he/she probing for information? Or just assuming the natural based on your hot appearance and winsome personality? And would it just be awkward to correct them, even if you deny that you prefer to be in a relationship?

starbucks anecdote/puzzlement #2: setting: most tables are full, everyone is studying, most of us with earphones and those new trendy peripheral equestrian-style blinders in desperate hopes to maintain our community of 1 in stereotypically isolated LA...so immediately, the voices of two people echo loudly over the hum of the espresso machine...how do you get a drivers liscense and yet don't understand the social ettiquete of coffee shop voice volume maximums??? so this guy not even pretending to be studying anymore, body unashamedly totally facing this girl at the adjecent table who is also seemingly quite comfy not to be reading...they chat it up!! and then some...the volume on the ipod goes up...as intriguing as they might be, playing the voyeur to this flirtation is not on my schedule..so an hour later...still going strong...seriously, just exchange the numbers...it's going well for you both..everyone else pretends to be looking at the page in front of them, despite the disturbingly strong temptation to watch this go down...and then they exchange the longest words they each know!! when did this pick-up strategy/competition become popular? the guy explains you can bascially just choose a long word and keep adding pre-fixes and suffixes as much as you want...okay, how to focus?..so FINALLY, after no problem finding conversation topics...they exchange numbers, and names and where they live, and what they do...I so wanted to write down their respective numbers they shared with the entire coffee shop and anonomously text them both, telling them that really, they seem quite compatible and should hang out some more...creepy...but great...

E-mail Mirror

http://www.happylifechildrenshome.com/

Hey all..pardon the mass update...but..

I am here safely. A man opened the computer room for me...so I will be brief.

lots to take in. went to the orphanage today and held babies, fed them porridge (brown cream of wheat)

most speak English so not too much communication difficulties

the supermarket was cool

we are to add on to the kitchen, lay slabs for kids to play, pave driveway, build shelving...and also help wash, bathe, hold, love kiddies...

everyone is super friendly...we do get lots of looks as 12 white people on the road.

smells great, fresh, lots of red dust,

my group is funny...all scared...seriously: If you get sick, then you get sick...

thanks for your prayers and support....

I’ll try to get back to you

I will pay for the hotel at the end...so glad that my support continues to be generous....

love you all,
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hey...

[I tried to email most of you on Monday...some went through and some didn't..the internet is not so great here and the keyboard a bit nutty...and I don't have my address book so it is hard to remember and retrieve addresses..].

so I am still alive. one morning I woke up and my tongue was black..didn't feel great that day

my team: eclectic, interesting, some characters for sure

one dude says he has been praying for patience...definitely needed

the kids...you want to eat with a spoon...if the average human needs 12 hugs a day...then these kids are behind..30 kids and 9 'mothers' who split day and night shifts. I will stand still and rub a head near my knees and the little boy will draw near and wrap his hands round my leg. they love play, and affection.

so much work!! and yeesh, the shoes, endless laundry and dishes. the kitchen extension is coming along..building shelves and trying to improve things around the home.

I am tired and yet can't get enough...I want to see it all, talk to everyone. the people amaze me, seeing really cool stuff.

my contacts are covered in dust and exhaust.

fed a giraffe out of my hand

and the worship here is humbling...the people genuine warmth and worship of the Lord is unbelievable. they have a faith that I hope for and yet is ironic considering...

my head is so full of thoughts and observations and questions.

and the mothers kick booty...I like trying to stand near them..as the talk and sing in Swahili and then ask about their lives...neat to see them cook with an unbelievable 'kitchen'...no oven, no hot water, a small portable gas ‘stove top’ connected to a big jar of propane which prepares the food for meals for 30 kids..it is amazing what can be done with so little..no showers...sponge baths in basins

i am pretty good at using the turkish bathrooms...yeah, all-girl summer camping days

the culture differences are fascinating.

have had some interesting political conversations..many of those around me are so bright and much better informed than I am...get pretty angry at international politics...frustrated with some decisions/treatments of our government...alot is happening politically here for kenya..and it is quite exciting.

had really interesting conversation at dinner with the board members of the home...about politics, culture, traditions, personal opinions, preferences...wow, America: such a stinking narrow lenses sometimes...don't get me wrong...love it, and we have it great and are richly blessed and yet manage to miss the whole boat in lots of ways

if I see other white people outside my group it trips me out...cause that doesn't happen much

again, feel free to forward to any of my supporters or those curious...

and yes, I just want to walk away and weep much of the time

rubbed little "Annie’s face and "Syras's" face while singing to them to put them to bed...no rocking chairs, no sippy cups..i sung the old grey goose is dead, rock of ages, hush hush my baby, she'll be coming round the moutain, etc...and then wept...cause I highly doubt this little girl ever had anyone even begin to stroke her and sing her to sleep..just lots of rich snapshots/ moments

I mean, I want to do so much and love so much and hear and see

and then I notice even how much love and support and growth is needed in our own American team...and well, wow

sorry..not being so articulate...I need to get to bed after a long day...

again, love to you all..thanks for the prayers.

trying to take some pictures for those interested...and trying to remember to 'fill the frame' as my little sister demands....

I have surreal moments when I realize I am in Africa, in Kenya..lots of what is happening around me is not seeping in and will continue to marinate...sometimes...you just have to keep moving and do the next thing...but underneath the skin...so much cool expansion.., well, we hope

okay..to bed..
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Hey team of mine...

so another mass email for you all..

so this internet system/gmail on a different computer than mine is tripping me out., a funky keyboard..it is highly possible that i missed some of your emails to me...so sorry if i don't respond...

or maybe some of you just haven't written me and i am not as popular as i thought or my musings aren't as universally riveting as i assumed..

many of the emails are coming back to me...so maybe you never get them...so i will wait to fuss at individuals til i return..hee hee...but in all seriousness, it is good to hear from home and be reminded of your support and prayers

and yes, i've been told before with my dot, dot, dots, (...) that i write emails the way that i talk...but come on, what could be more charming??

okay..enough vanity

i stayed back from the safari...i know ...crazy..i am in Africa and i passed up an oportunity..i'd been thinking about it all week..but i just felt that there was too much to be done and i didn’t feel like i had had enough time at the home with the kids and somehow felt rude coming over for a mission trip with so much in comparison to these people and then leaving for vacation...and i really hope to make it back next year ...and could maybe join the group on safari then...true wild lions just outside my window would be nice...but we are on our way to the home and i am excited to see the kiddies and moms. also this year 3 others stayed back, making it safe to stay behind, not to mention that 2 safaris in a row felt excessive...and maybe my little sister will come next year??

yesterday was sunday:: okay wow!! Definitely never been to a service like this!!! these people get all dressed up and most walk so far..such joy and dancing...all down the aisles and all around..the Americans looked so straight-laced and sober! Seriously, at one moment, i was simultaneously weeping, laughing, singing, and dancing/swaying...pretty phenomenal..

in the afternoon, there was a big gospel, comedy, concert thing fundraiser for the home.

currently there are 30 kids at the home, age 3 weeks to 5 years...you should see them say their blessings...the will run up to you hug your knees and yell 'upado...upado'..which means, throw me in the air and swing me round as i giggle

all nationalities adopt the kids, Americans, Germans, etc...currently the Kenyan government makes it pretty difficult in order to protect the kids from trafficking..i think the current law is one parent must live in Kenya for 6 months for the adoption to be finalized. Happy Life, i think, allows single parent adoptions, or if the couple is married, they must be married a few years before adopting

all the food is completely homemade over a wood fire or just in the hotel kitchen, rolling out the dough for all rolls, tortillas, etc...had some Kenya beer last night

as you know: Kenyan tea and coffee is renown and lovely!! they have a brief yummy tea time each day, but no lunch

we have fresh non-pasteurized cow milk all the time...scrape the cream of the top baby

the people continue to amaze me with their hospitality, warmth..they are always so so welcoming..it is humbling...

eating as a vegetarian here is totally doable..everyone else eats lots of goat evidently

so i should run..time to go help dress and feed and clean some kiddies

took over all the medicines and kids clothes i brought...hope it makes the sick ones better

it is winter here and a bit chilly...so glad i put a couple long sleeves in last minute per turtle

love to you all
i definitely still have a full head, wake early and pray and process and reflect on conversations with new people and Kenyans...neat to see how i am challenged and encouraged in surprising ways...

weird to not be on safari...but here for a week with 3 others that i never really talked to before last week...

thanks for reading my journal emails

hopefully, i can check back in a few days..
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hello to you all...

for my friends who are busy and stressed...delete this, or save it and read it when you can't sleep at 3am...

otherwise:

and yes, i forgot my official journal, and yes, when I see things throughout the day..i write emails to you guys in my head...which has to be a quintessential character trait...i process in how i will verbally share my experience with others..

so more processing...

didn't expect to get to a computer tonight...but

fed peanuts to wild monkeys out of my hand.. if they sit on your shoulder and wrap their tail round your neck...eerie...

also went to Kebera....oh my starts, people....the only words that came to my head all day for future emails home were..."i have no idea how to describe this...i can't describe what i saw" we went with Compassion International for safety. they have 3 projects within Kebera. Kebera is the largest slum in Africa. about one million people in 11 square miles, no garbage, sewage, little water access, most "homes" have no electricity....oh wow. I began to weep driving through the slums on the way to the Compassion site..i have never felt more arrogant in my life...and we all know, I can be proud....the orphans at the compassion home did a little song/chant...and i lost it...pretty sure there wasn't a dry eye in the room...i mean, these kids, orphaned in the slum are talking about how God has a plan when we can't see and quoting verses!...please, i pray that i will be more like the Kenyans I have met...such an unbelievable outlook..and trust and hope ...We were then able to walk through the slums some...yeesh...

the minister from a PCA plant in long beach traveling with us decided to "adopt/support" a compassion child (send money for him each month and get updated pictures, etc) and was able to meet the kid...oh to see him ask the boy what he liked to play and take a picture with him...this kid has a mom and 2 other siblings, no father figure..so watching Jason interact with him for just a minute was great and tough..had this boy had an older loving man/father figure ever ask him what he likes to do, had anyone? had anyone cared?..yes, also made me cry..I had to keep walking away.

today at Happy LIfe, litle Paul left. He was adopted!! so happy for him, yet so sad to see him leave his moms, sister and brothers from the last 4ish years

tomorrow night I plan to spend the night at the home...should be interesting.....

if you bend down to tie your shoe, you should expect a friend on your back ready for a piggy back ride and usually one or three more fighting for their own turn.....ahh....nice to feel so popular..hee hee

love is changing a poopy diaper. and to toot my own horn more: the square white cloth diapers that are wrapped around and tied in the front...don't make the changing process much easier..i have practiced...if the diaper doesn't completely unravel round the toddlers ankles ...then i consider it a success.

love is also picking the buggers out of a little nose...i know you moms are laughing at me...but seriously...I Corinthians has good points...but add these to the list!

i miss eating cereal..shocker, I know..

happiness is finding a toddler, standing amongst 10-30 other undisturbed kids, wailing and crying for his life, pick him up, kiss him and sway, as he puts his head on your chest, breathes hard from the cry and just quiets down b/c for a moment he is held, safe, loved and everything is going to be okay...

i have written more than planned...so hope you have enjoyed the required summer reading over these 2 weeks...i will be quizzing you upon my return...and will promptly gladly re-tell you it all..hee hee ...should you want to know...

still loving you all,

missing home a bit these days...but really really glad to be here.....
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what a full day...

so the all nighter was great: just felt like a great girls' slumber party at times...sitting around with 3 other 'mothers' watching bad television, wrapped in blankets and drinking yummy hot tea (fresh loose tea heated/brewed with fresh cow milk and then strained); the electricity went out for a couple of hours......30 kids at dinner time, quite hyper in that tired, pre-bed time frenzy...and no electricity...dark dark in the middle of Kenya...and me and 3 other Kenyan women with older kerosene lanterns.....what an experience....so glad i stayed to see the bedtime/wake up routines though...these boys on bunk beds under mosquito nets...midnight feedings, nap on the couch...good times...

yesterday afternoon on the way to the store, a police truck honked at the front gate, and drove in to deliver a new baby totally unannounced...the mother is drunk or on drugs and had left the child unfed for a week..the neighbor heard the crying baby for several days and then brought him to the police..who brought him to Happy LIfe...yeesh, so cute and so underweight, wrapped in a plastic bag and with sores and clearly neglected..so now he is fed and held and loved.

today they had a big ritual, party for us as we fly out tomorrow night..as a squeamish vegetarian, i watched them slaughter the goat, string it up and skin it...and roast the head and hooves.the rest they cook with different dishes..that's right...there was food for days!! what a feast and celebration: peas, chapatis, potatoes, rice, cabbage..yummy rich Kenya fresh food..lots of people came from Pastor Peter's church. I practiced making chapattis, which is a type of rich pankcake/toritlla bread...i have blisters of my finger tips...they spin the dough in hot vegetable oil with their hands...i mean, so much food...must have been close to 100 people..and the dishes...

the leader of the trip, whose father started happy life and is a minister in the states...got married a week before our trip then headed to London for a few days with his new bride and then came here for the end of their honeymoon...(didn't ever plan on joining anyone's honeymoon...but this trip is full of firsts... )

so before we ate our big goat barbeque/stew feast...they held a mock, yet touching Kenyan wedding ceremony!! wow!! the women brought Chris's 2.5 week old bride out with flowers and were singing and dancing with her in a group for the ‘processional’ ..some of the older kids/home orphans were dressed up with baskets of rose peddles to throw on the ground, and the pastor said some words, and they had a home-made cake (mysteriously produced with an oven-less kitchen)...it was amazing...and yes, I cried yet again...just the warmth of these people, as they wanted to celebrate and rejoice over this union, (the bride they had never met before… Chris comes every year)...and then the union of the church at large as they celebrated marriage and Christ...yeesh. yes, a beautiful, rich, hard moment to watch...for many layered reasons...and the whole time, I am holding little 2.5 year old Freddy...

I am overwhelmed, still so much in my head, so not ready to fly back!! I am apprehensive to re-enter the world of ‘usual’ concerns...and fearful that all the beauty and lessons and challenges of this place will fade quickly and in one week, I will be frustrated with the woman in front of me in starbucks who can't figure out what she wants to drink already..and I am late for something

shockingly: I am laid back..i have no car and can't control the cost of things and I am pretty sure that this attitude of just letting things work out as He wants will last all of the first 5 seconds of my plane ride... hee hee

I miss the kids already. I miss the ‘moms’ as well...didn't expect to form such good friendships in 2 weeks..thought I would swoop in, be saddened at the conditions here, do some work, cleaning, playing with munchkins and head out...but these people just sneak a hand in round your gut and pull you

today washing dishes in the kitchen, just me with 6 women who were all talking, laughing, joshing excitedly in Swahili with all the festivities of the day, a mom wished that i would stay behind for a month and spend more nights with her!...i brag.. and yet it was a nice, encouraging moment as I realized she was building me up and re-enforcing me and shouldn't it be the other way around? as they model unbelievable work ethic, patience with so many children, love, etc...

i danced in the kitchen with the moms today as well...priceless moment...hahah

I have never been asked if I am married so many times in one 2 week span...

it is Friday night and the hotel has a dj and dance floor out...

always something going on...

I am happy and encouraged and motivated and yet parlayed somehow with wishes of more to be done, hopes to be back next year, fear of forgetting, resolutions to keep up with some new friends...enriched to have more in my life and feeling a bit more torn and spread out to leave loved ones yet again but so thankful to have shared and seen and laughed and hugged..

so maybe a bit too sentimental tonight...afterall, I am pensive and trying to prep to leave tomorrow...

love to you all,

thanks for the prayers and support...I have wished for you all as I take photos and try to find words to describe what I see and want you to get a glimpse, taste of the flavor and world here

talk to you soon i'd imagine….

Lipstick, Earrings, and Ladyhood

"Hahaha, you never leave the house without wearing lipstick and earrings." my college roommate and I laughed at our rearing by traditional, old school, authentic Southern belles.

Thankfully, my mother still fills my ear with maxims and mandates of the standards and methods of behaving as a lady, and yes, of course, she requires that I practice such lessons when in her presence and must lose sleep that I might stray from her advice when out of her sight.

Undoubtedly, attempting to fulfill the somewhat vague and ever-changing prerequisites to becoming and remaining a lady is harder than one might think and takes more practice than I like to admit. The physical, emotional, and social challenges of ladyhood are steep.

In one of my excessive naval-gazing conversations, another bold friend describes me as a wild-stallion, fierce and passionate, whom she feels she must punch in the face in order to get my calm focused attention. Although she assures me that this is a wonderful thing and is one of the reasons she loves me, she also informs me that I just take up a lot of space! Oh dear two times!! Although, I am working the curves, I know that she is actually not referring to my hips. She further elaborates that my energy is big and my personality large. (For better or worse, one of my many handsome male friends also informs me that I am indeed ‘big’ in persona.)

Such comments immediately trigger my insecurities and my desire to be true to myself but also to make my mother proud in the genre of the genteel.

So a few maternal teachings to start the party:

• Always wear a slip. It protects you and your clothing.
• Take Small steps, crossing one foot in front of another.
• Keep your shoulders down and back.
• Chew gum almost never and if you must, be discrete. Absolutely no smacking.
• Do not drink any beverage while walking across a room. Rather, carry your drink to the opposite wall, find your place and then enjoy your tasty libation.
• Clearly, burping is completely prohibited.
• Well…all bodily noises are not welcome.
• Crass, bawdy, lewd humor is banned due to untastefulness.
• Wear perfume in your armpits on top of your deodorant, “it will keep you feeling and smelling fresher.”
• Never leave the house unless you are ready to meet the public. Therefore, walking out the front door in ratty gym clothes is not an option.
• Wash and fix your hair. You will feel better about yourself if you feel that you look good anyway.
• Be demure. As a woman, you want to take up as little room as possible. When walking, take small steps keeping your elbows tucked in at your side.
• Use only refined language. Profanity just shows a lack of vocabulary and refinement.
• Try to discourage others addressing you by your last name. This comradeship from men is masculine and just slightly undesirable.
• Be wary of how many positions of leadership you take in communities in which you hope to find a husband. Men will not be a leader themselves and pursue you if you are so intimidatingly already leading large groups.
• Encourage men; which sometimes means letting them do tasks, even though you can occasionally, or perhaps often, do them better and quicker sometimes (and this will grate on your nerves!)
• Dress for your husband! If he is coming home at x:00 then get gussied up a tad. This shows respect for him and keeps your excitement high. Freshen the lipstick just before he drives up the driveway.
• Don’t wear white shoes or a white skirt, shorts, or pants from Labor Day to Easter.
• Wear sunscreen on the back of your hands and your face every day to prevent aging. Old age spots are actualities and the hands and face are particulary important, because other parts of the body can be covered more easily.
• When standing and visiting, keep your legs together and feet close. (I find ballet positions to be the most comfortable and easiest to balance and maintain.)
• Mid-drifts are completely unacceptable and/or outdated. Find shirts to meet your low jeans. Be careful of your pants when you sit, no public modeling of the new cute panties.
• When you walk, avoid laborious steps with much movement; instead, you want to ‘glide’ across the room…just float quietly through space.
• Don’t apply hairspray, perfume, or make-up/powder with white pearls on; these things will yellow/tarnish the pearl.
• Don’t let your hair get too long, down to your bra-strap just looks trashy. Keep it healthy and trimmed appropriately.

Really, the advice from my mom could probably fill a whole book. She has given me many practical tips and held many spring 2-a-day training sessions, for which I am actually quite grateful. Every time I see a poor gal awkwardly clunking through a restaurant in heels with little grace, I am simultaneously snobby and judgmental yet also retroactively glad for mother’s practice drills.

Although such specific applications of being a lady are helpful and totally earn me noblewoman points, the question remains how to be a lady in relationship with men? How does a lady let in and, then require a man to take the lead and initiate and pursue her and do the work to get the girl? Often, I know that I could do something faster and better, but should I always? Does that always serve me and the men in my life in the best way possible?

And what of this sentiment, ‘behind every good/strong/successful man, there is a good/strong/successful woman’? So what does it look like to be a confident, strong, successful woman with much to offer and yet be patient and relinquish the need to control or be the superstar? How do we encourage men, communicate honestly, take responsibility for the protection of our own heart, and yet not overstep this invisible yet definite line intentionally or inadvertently, because we thereby risk emasculating them by taking the reigns, unfairly forcing them to communicate with female emotional vocabulary/ articulation and undermine their own potential, as well as their desire and need to lead?

And our own desire to be lead, which most women like to defensively deny, because who wants to need someone? But what woman doesn’t want to feel protected, even though she won’t admit to ever needing protection? What woman can honestly say she doesn’t prefer the man to call her and put in time to plan a date, even though she is more than capable of calling him and planning it herself? Or doesn’t want to be viewed as strong, motivated, driven, and accomplished, yet simultaneously have and use the option of crawling in bed and just crying on his chest?

Sitting in a public coffee shop with no lipstick (or lip-gloss) and no earrings, I laugh to myself, as I realize often, the conclusion of my observing, practicing, thinking and writing ends in questions,… questions that lead to more daydreaming, observing, practicing, thinking and writing, to keep me up at night churning away in my little twin bed.

A few Things Learned

For multi-taskers, invest in a loudly whistling teapot..less you burn up yet another pot and your kitchen and living room yet again smell like the fresh scent of charred Teflon.

When dropping off friends, acknowledge that the last 4 hours together is not enough, just go ahead and turn off the car engine, b/c you are going to sit and visit another 5 minutes at minimum.

The more often you talk to someone, the more you have to say to them..it’s bizarre but kinda like eating more unhealthy foods and then craving them more and more.

Keep some of your favorite candies in the car, that extra yorke peppermint patty could change your fickle mood and the hour commutes to tolerable. (and when feeling more health-rigid, work the Stouffer’s animal crackers!! At some exclusive drug stores, chocolate animal crackers actually exist!!)

When most people say, “I’m not trying to be rude but…”…they are usually being rude and letting you know that they are fully aware the fact.

For women: If you just can’t bear to part with your favorite pair of worn-in jeans complete with sexy holes in the thigh, don’t think you can get away without shaving…cause most men will take every opportunity to rub as much of your exposed leg as possible, or reach their hand in your sexy rip and check for recent shaving..

Again, for multi taskers: an earpiece changes your life, you can drive, clean, type, put on make up, etc and still effortlessly continue that pressing conversation.

Be careful what you ask for, often times, with churches, work, or social circles, if you come up with an idea or ask for an update..you just might become put in charge of implementing the idea or issuing the update.

Sometimes, there is a fine line between enabling and healthily supporting friends. Often times the line is so thin, much wisdom is needed to find it.

‘One-Way’ is no longer the Politically Correct term for street traffic; instead, ‘Preferred Direction’ is the new official term. This is helpful on 2 levels: 1)The average street’s sense of identity will no longer be offended. 2) If a ticket is given, the defense stands on ‘preferred.’ After all, the direction is just a predilection.

My male co-worker believes that 60% of women past puberty do not wear bras. After adamantly disagreeing with this statistic and informing him that as a woman, myself, I am fairly familiar with the lingerie options and usage by the average female in our society at large. He then audaciously argued with me about whether bras were more comfortable and a realistic option. Who rides over speed bumps without support?

Having a bunch of friends is fun and offers many various entertainment options yet it is good to remember that many friends equals many hours of work…people are messy and hard times are frequent.

Maintaining that subtle yet sweet air of ‘lady-like’ when walking in heels is best accomplished with smaller steps than usual.

Banana bread is easy and cheap to make, yet this homemade gift can really earn you points in someone’s book.

Most unmarried people are much more lonely than they admit or might even realize.

When we are unhappy with ourselves, we often take it out on the people we love the most or the people that love us the most. Yet confronting our own reflection is the necessary evil.

Music is intrinsically emotional, and put to slide shows are always sappy and/or cheesy on some level, no matter how fun or enjoyable.

Candles warm and soften any space.

Anyone who ever plans to walk out the door of his/her residence should have to work in public service, in a restaurant, or behind a cashier at some point. Sadly far too often, the average person is completely unaware of appropriate social etiquette or his/her affect on others and cannot sufficiently monitor an overwhelming unfounded egocentric sense of entitlement.

Another great cheap gift: a music mix made with a certain friend in mind.

Too few people say what they mean and do what they say.

The average person is just not as intelligent as I might hope or expect…or maybe I just spend too much time with the stereotypes of LA.

Finding a hat that looks good on you is crucial to the busy woman, you may not always have time to wash your hair. Add some lip-gloss and you are set!

Try to look up as often as possible at night; the moon seems to always be beautiful.

Wear sunscreen.

In grammar: the ellipsis is the best thing to ever happen to stream-of-conscience communicators.

Recently, elementary school science books have announced the addition of a 5th ocean. In addition to the ‘original’ 4 oceans, now the Southern Ocean is just north of Antarctica. Wonder if we will have 8 continents soon?

Everyone should move away for at least a year before living the rest of life. Even if you grow up in a large, diverse city, if you never experience any other place, then you are still trapped, narrow-minded as those who never leave smaller towns. The value of perspective cannot be overestimated.

If you carry a water bottle around with you, you will drink more water throughout the day. Face it 8 full glasses is healthy and more than the average person drinks.

Learning how to sleep with some noise is invaluable. If your parents kept the entire house completely quiet for you since birth; they did you a disservice. Buy a noisemaker perhaps, chances are others around you might not go to bed at the exact same time as you or they may be loud sleepers.

From LA to LA (Los Angeles to Lower Alabama)

In keeping with my overcommitted over scheduled self, I thought I would work one Sunday night before taking a red-eye..hah…but not just any night, I was selected to work a special birthday party honoring a girl that used to work at my restaurant/bar...this girl is a rather sexy bi-sexual whose reputation lingers long after her employment ended... so serving her and her now boyfriend (in what seems to be a bit of straight stretch for her) was interesting to say the least.. They are a loud rambunctious 12-15 top of Italian friends and family who bring in a boom box (featuring a large blue neon light) which they use to blast some well known Italian tune flooding the lounge area...naturally they promptly stand and do a dance which reminded me of scenes from My Big Fat Greek Wedding...yes, I realize this is a culture on the other side of the Ionian Sea.... after which each guest sits in a chair while 3 boisterous Italian woman sing some blessing/song while hitting the guest on the forehead and each cheek. They were amusing but took forever to close out! Usually, a birthday party is not welcome to provide their own soundtrack. I guess, if you hooked up with a manager when working there and wear an entirely too tight red dress then you receive boom box privileges? Getting nervous, I try to pre-pack in my head, since I haven't packed a thing, again true to form… and simultaneously trying to field questions from the challenging, egotistical bartender, regarding my thoughts on hell, love, and past relationships..and maybe something thrown in about Babylon. Naturally, I ask for a cocktail and proceed to drain some sort of a large fruity rum concoction. The jubilant party finally disperses. I count my money while now trying to answer what I like most about this bartender..yes, he asked me...of course, I attempted not answering which only served to fuel a worse fire. Somehow an orange martini was left lonely on the bar...I drink that too...then run out the door at 11:20pm...please note, I was to be at LAX by midnight...right...

So I hit my apartment door, pack, a bit buzzed perhaps, or just stressed out over many other unrelated things, the least of which would be diving into this other world called family/past/South/etc...wake up my angelic roommate for a ride...and fly out the door...

I arrive with a whole 10minutes to spare on my 40minute check in requirement. I attempt to swipe my card only to find I need a confirmation number this time?...the young man behind the counter has pity on me and helps me find the pertinent info. He is then kind enough to remind me in my fairly skittish state that carrying on liquids is not a good idea... then I rapidly transport my lip gloss and visine and scope from my purse to my luggage and check a bag...

just as I feel in the clear....I remember I have pepper spray in my purse. because I leave bars late at night after work, laden with valuable phone numbers from creepy men...I haphazardly call to the TWA man to stop the bag. I safely stow away the spray and my new TWA friend informs me that now this baggage belt is closed...so I run back to my original sympathetic ticket clerk...who finally just takes the bag from me and personally walks me to the next bag check point... Except that I now realize I have lost my ticket!...and of course, my driver's license with it...

Now a second man comes over to assist me. He tries to calm me and offers to print out another ticket for me, if I would just hand over my ID..haha..which would be a brilliant idea...but the first dude placed my ID inside the missing ticket holder with the original lost boarding passes......I then quickly sprint to the other end of the counter, find the boarding passes and ID , run back and assure my two new unimpressed friends that all is well, and they direct me up the escalator to security.

Once seated in my middle seat, I am pleased to find 2 introverted non-talkative neighbors who are both rather fit, leaving me adequate room. However, I do wish that I was not 5'8”, instead I wish I were 5 feet..which is clearly what this airline assumed the average human height to be when they designed this plane for a red-eye flight.

I pass out and wake as we are descending for my lay over..roughly 4am west coast time. I sleepily wander out to my next gate. and keep noticing all the shops have so much Texas stuff. What is the deal with all the burnt orange longhorns? Then I realize I am Houston and chuckle to my groggy self.

The next small flight carries about 10 of us.

I wrap up in 2 blankets, hugging myself, b/c with all the extra seats, they must have been transporting some Southern hunter's recently killed deer carcass and consequently needed to keep it appropriately freezing.

The seat belt light dinging off awakens me. How do you sleep through a plane landing? No one even asked me to return my seat to the full upright position.

But, where are my glasses? I pat down my head, my lap, the floor, the wall I feel a glare from behind me, decide to let the man behind me pass.... not that I could see him...and panic. I see only a navy airplane haze in front of me; I ask some woman if she has seen my eyeglasses?!?. She mentions that some other woman broke them during the flight…lovely.. Well, did she keep them?! Are the lens broken? and why didn't anyone wake me and tell me?

My contacts would be nice about now, but are checked underneath the plane with my saline solution and all other liquids. I grope to the front of our plane in the direction of "Thank you, have a nice day, thank you, bye bye, thank you." I ask the voice in front of me if anyone turned in glasses? No such luck..I grope back to my row...My neighboring woman has stayed to help me..bless her.. and finds my glasses broken in 2 separate pieces in the seat pocket in front of me. Somehow, my glasses are quite precisely snapped in two at the nosepiece and then shoved down in the pocket in front of me.

I clutch to my sad visionary aide and deplane, totally unsure of my footing. Thankfully I have flown into this airport many times and it is tiny....LAX in this situation would be hell...

I occasionally stop and hold up my two monocles, like a double fisted Colonel Mustard from Clue. I am hungry, tired, and getting a headache since the focal points are all screwed...no sign of my parents...

I just keep following the colored spots of people around me...assuming they will be going to baggage claim? I hear the escalator and ride down. Then spin a couple of times until I detect the sounds of a moving belt...hoping it is my flight and manage to grab by bag...thank goodness my father makes us all keep bright colored ribbon tied to our non-descript bags.

I head for the bathroom to put in my contacts… men? women? I have never been so glad the designer of the Pensacola airport decided to make the sign for the women’s bathroom literally 8 feet tall...

I am starving, dizzy, and so glad to get daddy hugs. Anticipating my family vacation makes the whole trip worth it. Although for the next week, I wore glasses mal-adjusted and super glued together, I was still able to enjoy my mama’s hot water cornbread, a delicacy not enjoyed in my tiny LA apartment with my single twin bed.

an Undebatable Debate

In a world where the staunch post-modern philosopher declares absolutely that there are no absolutes and thereby exposing the ultimate impossibility of such a statement, this was a recent encounter of mine:

For those of you who are not aware, please know that 27 million people are living in modern day slavery. Human trafficking is the 2nd largest organized crime world wide; more people today are in living in bondage than ever before in the world’s history when slavery was ‘legal.’ The majority of victims are sexually exploitated; also, most are children and women. As a growing global and personal concern, researching, reading, emailing, volunteering and campaigning tends to take up more and more of my personal time.

So true to form, thrown round my tired shoulders, I constantly have an overstuffed yet fashionable (thanks to my parents) black satchel with my projects. Recently, one afternoon, I stop by a swanky Hollywood restaurant and sit at the lovely faux marble top counter for a veggie sandwich. Of course, while waiting I pull out my favorite highlighter, a pen, a note pad (yep, I was that girl in your high school English class) and a book with the title, Not For Sale: the modern day global slave trade. Two young men whom I have met at this restaurant several times arrive, of course, true to my city’s stereotype, the idea that I am studying and yet am not an official enrolled student continues to boggle the mind of the average bystander. (Despite my tone of condescension, I take it as a staement of my youth..hee) So this young man asks about my readings, I share that I am really getting into human trafficking... or the fight against it rather.

Now I actually for the first time ever, hope this person does not have a clue as to what human trafficking is, or maybe he thought it synonymous with smuggling immigration. The point: I actually had a DEBATE as to whether human trafficking was good or bad…right or wrong! In his defense, he did openly admit that he didn’t really know much about this issue. (so the choice to take the opposite side of an issue which I clearly am researching puts him in a precarious position) Surprisingly, I was patient and listened to his attempted thoughts. He explained to me that there are some benefits that come of this horrific violation to basic human rights.
Really? And they are?
Well, you see, the person makes it to America.
Hahah..and we wonder why the international view of our country is increasingly negative and disapproving? He continued to explain that he was Machiavellian in thought and that it is really about whether the ‘ends justify the means,’ cause after all they get to be in the U.S. As my temperature began to rise rapidly and rashes break out under my clothes, I nodded as an active listener while crossing my hands as not to punch him in the face. I respond, yes, sometimes, the victims are brought to the U.S., but that is actually the minority of total cases. Even then many never wanted to come here or be kidnapped from their home, AND how can we pressume the ends justify the means?!? Yes, America is great, but often they are not freed once here, and even then:.. Is living here worth repeated rape and sexual abuse, forced labor, or no freedom???

He then asked if I had ever been to China, in an attempt to help me understand that since the conditions there are so horrendous, anything that could get you to America must be worth it…right. He kept dropping his friend, Machiavellian’s name and explaining that good can come from bad situations, so then..is it really bad?
Ok, I openly admit that yes, often good does come out of bad situations; however, that does not automatically make the original situation good, or even acceptable. Shockingly, he began talking about Machiavelli AGAIN.
I then asked, “Do you believe in absolute right and wrong?” Evidently, this is a perplexing question. (And yes you detect a smug tone, but anyone arguing that human trafficking might just be a good thing for our world and its victims…deserves a smug tone) ... How to reword this? “Um, do you believe something is absolutely right or absolutely wrong, regardless of side effects or aftermath?”
He openly admits to not understand these questions.
So naturally, I answer it for him, “Well, I’m gonna guess that, no, you don’t.” I then explain that clearly, I do. For example if a father beats his 5 year old son, that is just wrong, in every world, in every way. And even if this kid develops a tough strength and other possibly twisted coping mechanisms to navigate through this world, still...beating the 5 yr old boy is absolutely wrong, ...regardless.

I am still in shock that I actually had a DEBATE with an upright bi-pedal homo sapein over the virtue or lack thereof of human trafficking. My father has reassured me, that he didn’t know what he was talking about and was just trying to pick me up. Humorously, he actually did leave me his card/number. You can imagine how winsome this romantic tactic worked for me. So to any male readers: if you find a gal who perks your interest, and you quickly find that she has a social issue/platform..Totally use it as a springboard for easy conversation..it’s a no-brainer. But seriously, don’t take the OTHER side of the issue!!!

So despite the tempting phone number …for now, I think I will stick with my twin bed situation…single in the big city…

JUXTAPOSITION

“Well, what time does Abigail usually take a nap?”
After several rounds of phone tag, voice messages, texts messages, we have a time that works for all three of us.
Hugs greetings and a table near the door, which is evidently preferable for easier baby care. “Do you have any high chairs?” oh, poor server. “Here sweetie, want some snack bar?” as my dear high-energy friend fishes out a gooey sort of go-baby organic thing looking like a mini-nutrigrain bar for her 10month old from a cute coordinated bright orange stuffed diaper bag…as a much needed appetizer..and now sticky ‘real-fruit-center’ stickiness is everywhere.
Amidst spoon throwing and goldfish all over the table, we manage to order a pizza and salad…Thankfully the two of us could win a talk-a-thon,… such dedication to intense communication proves necessary in order to engage in any sort of coherent conversation amidst keeping crayons out of Abbie’s mouth or the water glass out of her reach or confiscating the butter knife or moving the hot tea pot…however some hiccups are inevitable: suddenly, little Abby spastically loses control of the weight of her head and hits her teeth on the table…and then silently looks up at mom and freezes..ok, so I’m thinking: all is well..oh no,…Lindsey quickly jumps up and scoops her close, just in time for an ear-piercing wail as she ducts out the strategically close front door…disaster contained
I sit alone, enjoying my salad, looking around to see just how disturbed the other patrons are enjoying our entertaining fiasco…
Lindsey returns, cargo in arms. All is better; Abby, red faced, huffy and puffy, is calmer. Yeesh ..Motherhood and its instincts. I ignorantly congratulate her well-timed escape, who knew hollering was coming?,.. “ah, when she pauses like that, it is the calm before the storm..gotta get out quick.” Right, right. I imagine, that was learned the hard way..
As Abby grows restless the chaos of leaving begins: Lindsey stands by the table swaying nuggers, I give the credit cards to the server, toys are spread out in front of the door, the stoller blocking the narrow walkway, Linds drops the pen, then takes the wrong credit card slip, forgets the to-go portion of her pizza but thankfully laughs at us, we finally make it out to the sidewalk…aahh. Okay…
After stopping by a neighboring baby store and realizing that baby stuff is crazy expensive, and superfluous, who needs a 4 foot net butterfly to hang from the ceiling? we head to our cars…because Baby Abby’s day planner has a nap scheduled.
Moms opens the 2nd-seat door of her huge SUV and quadrouple buckles Abigail into her car seat, soothes her tired grunts, grabs the car teddy, then circles round to the hatch back/door, collapses the cute pok-a-dot stroller, stores it, and hugs me somewhat out of breath quickly, as Abby begins to wail from inside..
I then walk towards my tiny 2 seater standard sports car, hop in with my cool big sunglasses, put down the convertible roof, turn up my non-childproof rap music, and speed away while checking my phone for the up-to-date details on the evening plans…
Yep…quite the juxtaposition…my young married, mother friend with a house on the eastside, and myself: single in the city…footloose and fancy free…living in my small cheap apartment with a roommate and my twin bed…